“Oh I'm so chill when I drink. I just like to relax, have a good time, hang out, you know? Hey look at at these pictures of me on facebook. Here we're at a bar, we had so much fun that night. Oh, and this girl that's passed out, I don't know her, but do you remember that girl that has the big case going to trial because of her multiple DUI's? Well that's her, and she was at the bar we were at, and it was just such a chill night and she was there, so we all started taking pictures around her, and it was so much fun. Did I mention how chill I am when I drink?”
I'd never been to the local St. Patrick's day parade and since it ventured down the street adjacent to my apartment, I thought I'd check it out. Brittany Pike, the 'chill' girl whose antics in life require that she be referred to not only by her first name, but her surname as well, accompanied me to the festivity.
The streets were packed with people on all sides so I had to stand behind Brittany Pike who had positioned herself on the front row in order to get as much as stuff as she could. Once we had established ourselves and let everyone know we weren't moving, the parade got underway, and by parade, I mean drunk people of all ages transporting themselves down the street using various means.
As the beads and other useless items that we all desperately hope to catch flew from the street the competition began. Brittany Pike began hurling herself at every time that came within a four foot radius of her. Her hair became more disheveled and her face more red. After ten minutes or so she finally turned around to me and asked to change spots. Her lack of success at getting items had started to take a hit on her self esteem.
Once we switched I finally understood what she was talking about. I felt the pressure to be extremely quick and not only get as much crap as I could, but get so much that I humiliate everyone around me, including the children. The only thing standing in my way was that all of the other people lining the streets had the exact same goal in mind. They were also more uninhibited than I was because they were either children, or inebriated adults.
The chaos that ensued should have been indicative of what was to happen for the remainder of the day. One man lost control of the go-cart, yes the go-cart he was driving at maybe 4 miles per hour, and slammed into some pedestrians that had to be taken to the hospital. I later found out that I had a friend that knew the victims. (They're fine by the way.) Later a guy was on the roof of a building and throwing crap down on to the people below. Once he saw that authorities were on their way to apprehend him he started performing karate chops in mid air as if to say 'bring it on'. At that point I turned to ask if Brittany Pike if she had witnessed this. When I turned back around and pointed to where he was, he was no longer there. He vanished... like a ninja.
Later that night, a newly single Beth, decided to go to a bar with us. Usually I'm not crazy about going to bars and stuff, especially on a Tuesday, but when I passed the Irish area of town around four in the afternoon it was littered with people all decked out in their green attire and I immediately felt jealous and left out. Brittany Pike lived up to her statements about being chill and relaxed when going out. At least for the first eight minutes of the walk there. Somehow in that time she went from completely sober to a drunken mess.
Once in Flanagan's Brittany Pike nabbed a cigarette from somewhere, and started smoking/stumbling her way through the bar. At one point she slammed into some guy which caused the cigarette to fall out of her mouth and on the ground. She pushed the guy she walked into him and kind of yelled at him for it, then later explained this was her method for getting drinks. If only the night had ended there I would have been been. Annoyed, yet fine. But no. Brittany Pike later managed to get into an altercation with some other guy who actually pushed her, which caused Beth to pounce like a puma out of no where and punch him. At this point I grabbed Brittany Pike and pushed her out of the bar to the house.
She passed out quickly on my couch to my relief so I started doing laundry for whatever reason. When she awoke the next morning she had no recollection of the previous night's events.
“You were awful, you are the furthest thing from chill when you drink. You picked up some cigarette that had been stepped on and put it on your mouth, how gross is that? And then you kept getting into arguments with people and sneaking drinks. You were too much to handle, and I was only closely babysitting because if you got beat up and had to go to the hospital I would have to take you. I'm never going out with you again. You wanna go to McDonald's? Ok, after that you need to go.”
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