The Nemesis

“Bye girls! This was too fun, I love when we get together. And Hil-Cat, your hair is too cute!”

“Oh no.”

As Brittany Pike shouted her goodbyes to her friends, Beth knew of the impeding anger that was sure to come her way. Not only was Brittany Pike giving her friends nicknames that were the same syllabic length as their actual names, she was using the overly cheerily, high pitched voice she only brought out when she was highly upset.

“Well isn't this some bullshit!” Brittany Pike threw herself into the driver's seat and slammed the door.

“Well you should have told them the truth instead of making me act like it was my boyfriend.”

“Oh, so now this is all my fault?”

“Yes. This is all your fault. You have no one to be mad at but yourself. Don't try to deflect the blame here. You're the one that thinks Gary's addicted to porn. Why didn't you tell them instead of making me?”

“Well I didn't think they'd find you all relatable and stuff. They told you stuff that they've never told me. I should have come out looking like the champ just then. Why haven't you apologized yet?”

“For what?”

“Once you saw that you were a hit you should have told them the truth.”

“Absolutely not. I was going to take the hit if I looked like an asshole, so why would I give away the glory if that's what the result happened to be?”

“Because. That's what friends do.”

“Quit whipping crap like that out. Not once have you done anything that has benefited me or Lauren.”

“Then why do you guys hang out with me.”

“Because Lauren lives with you for practically nothing, and you make us feel good about ourselves.”

“I do do a great job at boosting people's moods. See I am a good friend.”

“What? No I mean... well forget it.”

Brittany Pike continued airing her grievances she drove aimlessly down the road, lacking a calm demeanor and basic social norms that one would apply to driving. She careened in and out of traffic, tailgated cars, ran several lights, all while she continued to vent.

“And I've never told you this, but I hate Hilary.”

“Oh, what'd Hil-Cat do?”

“Well, one day I was at the mall and I saw her with Kalee and Erin. So I call her from across the way...”

“Why would you do that? Why wouldn't you just go up to her?”

“Don't interrupt me. And because I was getting a massage.”

“In the middle of the mall? In one of those chairs, wasn't that awkward?”

“I said 'don't interrupt me.' So I call her, put the phone up to my ear and watch. This bitch looks at her phone, and says with a frown on her face, 'ugh, it's Brittany Pike,' then answers. So my voice started to crack and get all high pitched but I regained composure as always and did a good job of keeping it calm.”

“I'm sure. But what did you say to her once you saw her do that?”

“Well, I couldn't let her know that I was mad?”

“Why not?”

“Cause you keep your friends close, and your enemies...”

“Stop watching VH1. And can you chill out with this minivan. Oh-my-god... You've been tailgating them for like 2 minutes now.”

The minivan they were behind went on as Brittany Pike veered on to the freeway on ramp. As she passed the automobile she glanced into their car to see that she was receiving a certain gesture that is common in high stress road situations. Beth expected this much from the car. However, she didn't expect Brittany Pike's retaliation gesture which differed in so many ways from the one she had just received.

“What was that!?”

“That was me putting that soccer mom in her place.”

“By doing that? That seemed more like an invitation to a trucker.”

“What? No, that was me telling her to fuck off.”

“How? You were acting out stuff that the kids in her back seat shouldn't have seen.”

“Well I had to give her a piece of my mind.”

“I thought you quit saying that. Honestly, your entire vocabulary comes straight from an episode of 'Rock of Love.'”

“One time I missed a final because a marathon of that was on. Well, almost missed. I ran across campus and made it just in the nick of time. I was kind of sweaty though. And that bitch Hilary was in class with me and she kept giving me a weird look.”

“Was this after you called her at the mall, too?”

“Yeah. This is all Hilary's fault.”